


On Melancholy Hill

by noyin



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Self Harm, Oneshot, Roman Angst, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, angsty fluff, cursing, post svsr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24139123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noyin/pseuds/noyin
Summary: Are you here with me?
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 16
Kudos: 158





	On Melancholy Hill

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:
> 
> What if the Sides have soulmates, and their soulmate’s names are marked on their bodies–okay hear me out–and Roman’s was Janus.
> 
> Now reimagine the name reveal scene.

"My name is Janus."

At that moment, the world had crumbled right in front of Roman's eyes. Everything felt frozen in time and the only sound he could hear was the dull thumping of his heart pulsing in his ears. Janus stood there, hand uncovered and raised in sincerity, his lips pursed and sharp eyes staring right at Roman.

 _No_. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

"Janice?!" Roman burst out into laughter. Maybe to hide the fact that he was breaking apart. Maybe to hide the fact that nothing was right. "What are you, a middle school librarian? It's a stupid name."

He hated the name. He hated that it was marked right on the soft part of his wrist. He hated that he once loved the name Janus.

Janus lowered his hand, hurt written over his eyes, but his lips pulled back into a scowl. "Oh, Roman, thank _God_ you don't have a mustache!" Roman felt his heart drop. "Otherwise, between you and Remus, I wouldn't know who the evil twin is!"

 _No no no no no_ -

A pain had grown into something sharp inside his chest. Had it hurt because Janus said it?

When Roman opened his mouth to speak, he couldn't hear it passed the muffle in his ears. Everything was getting thrown into chaos.

 _It wasn't supposed to go this way_.

The conversation blurred. Roman didn't mean to lash out, but he knew he had snapped sharp words into the spat, words which caused more harm than good. But he couldn't think. The pain had grown thick and cut him like a knife. _Janus_. The name on his wrist burned. Janus, his adversary and soulmate, and somehow the latter hurt him more than the first.

"Roman, it's okay, kiddo," Patton said. _No, no, no_. "We love you."

"Right." was all Roman could think to say.

He doubted it. And tried to avoid Janus' eyes when he sunk out.

He couldn't see through the tears as he scratched at his wrist, right over the name _Janus_ , written in beautiful penmanship. As if it was the most important thing in the world.

And for all of Roman's life up until that point, it was.

Roman scratched until his wrist bled and it hurt. It felt like his life was unraveling. Janus was his soulmate. He wanted so badly to feel-

 _Good. Happy. Loved._ Like nothing else mattered.

"Oh," Roman said through dry laughter. He stared at the offending signature on his pink, puffy skin. "Isn't it wonderful?"

Instead, he felt hurt. It wasn't supposed to be that way. The Prince wasn't supposed to be in love with the villain. Even if he had loved Janus once before he knew the truth; the charming serpent had sided with him in the courtroom—and, god, he had fallen so hard for those beautiful eyes, that biting wit, and the praise he poured onto him, that Roman wasn't sure was genuine in hindsight. He had fallen so hard and it was harder to force the feelings out. Because they were _wrong_.

Roman hated Janus for making him feel this way. Especially now, when it was clear they were on different sides—good and bad—and he was bound to fall in love with him anyway.

His nails cut deeper into the grooves of the cuts on his wrists and Roman hissed, but it felt good. He felt smug with himself, wondering what Janus would think if he knew that he refused the mark on his skin—refused to love him.

Roman jumped when there was a knock at his door. Given everything that had just transpired, he did not expect any of the sides to care for him. While he wanted to admire the sentiment, he didn't want their _pity_.

"Please leave me be," Roman said, managing to keep his voice level and quiet.

"Princey? It's, uh, Virgil. I, uh, I was just coming to check up on you because, uh, you're stressed as _fuck_ , buddy."

Roman screwed his eyes shut and sighed. It wouldn't be fair of him to spit his venom on the anxious side, given he wasn't even _there_. _It's okay_ , Roman thought, _It's just Virgil_.

He quickly dabbed his wrist with a handkerchief and slunk away from his desk. Taking in a deep breath and wiping the tears from his cheeks, he put on a smile that hurt and opened to door.

Virgil stood in front of him, tense, the look in his eyes pained, his lips picked, and his hands shoved in his pockets. He gave Roman a quick up and down, his eyes no doubt noticing his splotchy cheeks and reddened eyes, and stilling for a second on the arm behind his back.

"Dude, no wonder I feel terrible. You look like shit. What the fuck happened to you?" Virgil asked.

"Oh, fret not, stormy knight," Roman said, "Just a bad day, that's all."

Virgil shot him a look. "Yeah-huh. Obviously."

"But, really, there's no need to worry," Roman said, "I'm awfully tired, I think I'm just going to turn in for the night-"

"Like hell you are," Virgil snapped, "Crying in bed with the lights turned off isn't sleeping, Roman."

"I-"

"No. You're going to let me inside and we're going to talk about it," Virgil said.

"I really don't-" But Virgil shoved his way into Roman's room nevertheless and Roman stumbled back. "Hey!"

"Why are you hiding your wrist, Roman?"

Roman's heart froze. "What- what do you mean?"

Virgil's eyes narrowed and he scowled. "Your. Wrist."

"I don't understand why that would concern you," Roman said, attempting to laugh. "I'm not hiding anything-"

At that moment, Virgil's hand shot out and caught Roman by the cuff of his sleeve, and he gave it a harsh tug to reveal his secret.

"Virgil, no-"

" _Oh_." Virgil breathed. He tenderly brushed the pad of thumb over the scabbing skin, over the name that was still thick and bold, but marred. "Because it has..." Virgil look up to Roman and Roman stopped breathing. Two mismatched eyes stared at him. "... _m_ _y name_."

" _No_ ," Roman whimpered.

Janus didn't let go of his wrist, didn't stop solemnly brushing the injuries that were raked across the mark, as if it meant the world to him.

Roman refused to look at Janus. Maybe out of shame. Maybe because his heart was beating hard in his chest, falling in love like the traitor it was.

"Why is it you?" Roman asked.

Janus didn't say anything for a moment. Roman imagined him, his expression flat and not telling as it usually was. Roman hoped it was hatred Janus felt, but the way he stroked the inside of his wrist went against everything Roman hoped. But not what he longed for.

Finally, Roman could bare to glance to Janus, and he was ready for the smug look. _Yes,_ he imagined in Janus' velvety voice, _You deserve this pain, Roman. Though, I hope you're happy to know I despise you just as much_.

But instead, he was met with something soft and inviting, and far too sincere. It was so unlike Janus to have his emotions on his sleeve. But for a moment, Roman believed he saw the truth. Janus looked to him with a something that declared his acceptance of the mark on the Prince's wrist.

Janus seemed to love him. Despite everything. And Roman- he could only listen to his heart. As much as he wanted to hate Janus, as much as he was sure this wasn't how it was suppose to happen, he longed to love him.

Janus brought the marred wrist to his lips, placing a small, chaste kiss over his name.

"I'm sorry," Janus said.

"Don't be," Roman said. " _I'm_ sorry. I want to loathe you _so much_." Roman had to take a breath. He could barely speak through the tightness in his throat. "I just can't bring my heart to feel the same."

Janus didn't say anything, but pulled Roman close by the wrist, pressing him flush against his chest and letting him rest his teary face in the crook of his neck. Roman stood there limp, sobbing softly into Janus' collar which smelled of lavender and licorice. It felt nice, being so close to his soulmate. Roman would let himself have this. Just for a moment.

"Well, you can't get what you want," Janus murmured softly, "But you can get me."

Roman snaked his arms around Janus, gripping his capelet so tight. It was a thought not to let go.

"I love you."

Janus leaned into Roman, his nose buried in the Prince's hair. And quietly, Roman heard him whisper in his ear. "I think I do, too."

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a mess, but I had fun! Enjoy the Roceit :)


End file.
